Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
