you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You need Xanax blowdarts
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
