You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize