Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
