Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
