someone owes me an orgasm
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
