is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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