Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i now understand why vodka
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
