OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
