Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
