my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
