Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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