seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize