even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
