I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
