It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
