He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
