So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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