He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
