I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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