just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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