Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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