Can i not drive my cunt home
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
