There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
that may or may not have been my penis.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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