drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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