rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
