i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
