also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
