tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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