Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
