This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
