It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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