And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize