he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
