My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
