I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
