I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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