distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
