im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
