is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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