I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
