i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
