wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
