Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
