Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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