I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
