his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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