I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
