billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
