Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
