So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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