you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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