Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
