no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
