seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
