tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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