Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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