i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
