I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
