I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
