Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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