dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
