tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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