So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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