Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
do herpes really smell.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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