Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
