once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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