i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
