All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
