"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
