She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
